I usually suck at Follow Friday's on Twitter. Oh the pressure. I either feel like the kid who gets picked last for dodge ball or the person who forgets to thank their biggest supporter when they win an Oscar. I need to be medicated. But in the meantime.... this is my first of what I hope will be many fun Follow Fridays. I have SO many people I want to include in these, it's just going to take me time to get to them all. Here are my first two efforts. And yes I realize it's Thursday and not Friday.
The List:
@JeffRago
@Divorcedad
@felicitousfi
@DonCoyote
@Hip_M0M
@ABittersweet1
@kitterztoo
@MajorBedhead
@MelysaS
@OpinionatedGift
@CeSSyG
@Cinematt01
@singlemomma_cc
@Therestlessmama
@VentiVixen
@WhyIsDaddyCryin
@WickedBitch
And there is this one too...
Which includes:
@MusicSavvyMom
@martinimom
@TheBloggess
@Ieatmykidzsnack
@shaunaglenn
@SunnyStokes
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I Blame Barbie
My daughter is a character. At four aren’t they all though? She did something tonight that made me have a small aneurysm and quite possibly a stroke. I know it’s one of those moments that will be funny when I’m oh, I don’t know, ninety and senile. She lifted her shirt and with the boisterous excitement that only a four year old can harness said “look at my boooooobies!!”
Now this would have been cute had she not done it on video. Live video. Web cam live video being shot across the time space continuum to her dad. I’m pretty sure for a second there he thought she certainly must have gotten this from me. Which was probably moderately amusing for me.
Now, I know she’s only four years old and had no idea what she was saying was an oh-my-god-my-daughter-is-one-hokey-pokey-dance-away-from-a-stripper-pole inducing mental moment for me but it was.
It was only two days ago that she was using her blue crayon to circle all the toys in a catalog so that I’d know what to get her for Christmas. You know, because mommy has toy deficit issues when it comes to the old memory. When I asked her why she was circling EVERY SINGLE TOY in the catalog she told me she needed lots of toys if her “boyfriend” Nicholas was going to come have a sleep over with her.
She also told me they are getting married but they aren’t having kids. Thank God for small miracles.
So what have I learned here from my daughter, who seems to have at the age of four picked up on?
Show your boobies and you get attention? The girl with the best or most toys get’s the boy? What the hell are they putting on Sesame Street these days? She spends all of her time at pre-school and home. We don’t watch Springer, what the hell is this shit? It’s all funny and ha ha but at the same time I’m a little freaked out that even at four she’s getting some pretty heavy gender and relationship messages. The worst part, I can’t figure out where she’s getting them but I’m going to be looking a lot harder from now on. It’s probably that bitch Barbie’s fault.
The real bitch of it all… the irony that my four year old has a boyfriend and I haven’t had a date in over three years is not lost on me.
My Wednesday is Not Wordless
I feel the need to go on a rant today. I might have a pent up aggression issue. Or it could be a lack of blogging much lately issue. Either way I need a good rant. I’ve had this one stored up. So here are my random musings for the week. I’m way behind.
Dear Jon Gosselin… you are a fucking moron. If you are genuinely sorry for your douchetastic behavior why are you apologizing to your wife and family in the media and not directly to them? Color me crazy but I’m pretty sure a genuine apology actually means you do it privately and at least fake a real human emotion that is not just about yourself. And what the fuck is this shit about you hanging out with Rabbi Shmuley? I actually really dig Rabbi Shmuley. As far as Rabbi’s go he’s a smart dude with a lot of charisma. Rabbi Shmuley should let me hang out with him. I’m much more worthy of a Rabbi Shmuley life makeover. Why the fuck isn’t life fair and where’s the fountain you threw your lucky bastard penny in because I need to visit that wishing well? Where the hell is the life changing celebrity man of the cloth side kick for the single moms who are out there struggling to get by day after day while moving past idiot fuck heads like you Jon Gosselin? God damn it you annoy the hell out of me.
Dear Balloon Mom and Dad… Really? What the fuck is wrong with you? I sat in front of my slow loading CNN live feed online in my shitty cube at work and was sick to my stomach at the thought that there was a little boy in that jiffy pop parade balloon you fucking whack jobs made in your back yard. You’re a bunch of fucking assholes. Then I saw that R rated “rap video” you had your children make and then I realized that you’re not only assholes but your idiots as well. And really? You put your kid in a box in the attic? I mean shit we all joke about doing that to our kids but you don’t actually do it! Wait, I don’t joke about doing that. I’m sure someone does though. Either way you’re morons. Start saving now for those kids bail fund in the future. You’ll need it!
Dear President Of My Homeowners Association… go fuck yourself you greedy fucking fuck head. You want $1700.00 to settle a $276.88 debt that you were sent a check for and then sent back to me? What the fuck are you growing and smoking in your backyard that would make you think this is reasonable? I’m pretty sure whatever the hell you’re smoking is an HOA violation. I’m convinced you need this complete random dollar figure of $1700 to get a penis pump or something of the like. I mean $1700.00 is a pretty fucking random figure for a $276.88 debt. That again, you received a check for and then sat on for more than a month and mailed back to me. You fucking suck. I’ll make sure to blow you a kiss when I see you in court in a couple of weeks.
Dear People Who Support Roman Polanski… what the fuck is wrong with you? On what planet is an old dude drugging and boozing up a young teen girl and then having sex with her not a crime? Seriously, did I fall and hit my head? What. The. Fuck. If you support him please wear t-shirts daily that tell me this so I can avoid you and keep my young daughter away from you. Far away. Bunch of whackadoodles.
XOXO,
Single Mom
Dear Jon Gosselin… you are a fucking moron. If you are genuinely sorry for your douchetastic behavior why are you apologizing to your wife and family in the media and not directly to them? Color me crazy but I’m pretty sure a genuine apology actually means you do it privately and at least fake a real human emotion that is not just about yourself. And what the fuck is this shit about you hanging out with Rabbi Shmuley? I actually really dig Rabbi Shmuley. As far as Rabbi’s go he’s a smart dude with a lot of charisma. Rabbi Shmuley should let me hang out with him. I’m much more worthy of a Rabbi Shmuley life makeover. Why the fuck isn’t life fair and where’s the fountain you threw your lucky bastard penny in because I need to visit that wishing well? Where the hell is the life changing celebrity man of the cloth side kick for the single moms who are out there struggling to get by day after day while moving past idiot fuck heads like you Jon Gosselin? God damn it you annoy the hell out of me.
Dear Balloon Mom and Dad… Really? What the fuck is wrong with you? I sat in front of my slow loading CNN live feed online in my shitty cube at work and was sick to my stomach at the thought that there was a little boy in that jiffy pop parade balloon you fucking whack jobs made in your back yard. You’re a bunch of fucking assholes. Then I saw that R rated “rap video” you had your children make and then I realized that you’re not only assholes but your idiots as well. And really? You put your kid in a box in the attic? I mean shit we all joke about doing that to our kids but you don’t actually do it! Wait, I don’t joke about doing that. I’m sure someone does though. Either way you’re morons. Start saving now for those kids bail fund in the future. You’ll need it!
Dear President Of My Homeowners Association… go fuck yourself you greedy fucking fuck head. You want $1700.00 to settle a $276.88 debt that you were sent a check for and then sent back to me? What the fuck are you growing and smoking in your backyard that would make you think this is reasonable? I’m pretty sure whatever the hell you’re smoking is an HOA violation. I’m convinced you need this complete random dollar figure of $1700 to get a penis pump or something of the like. I mean $1700.00 is a pretty fucking random figure for a $276.88 debt. That again, you received a check for and then sat on for more than a month and mailed back to me. You fucking suck. I’ll make sure to blow you a kiss when I see you in court in a couple of weeks.
Dear People Who Support Roman Polanski… what the fuck is wrong with you? On what planet is an old dude drugging and boozing up a young teen girl and then having sex with her not a crime? Seriously, did I fall and hit my head? What. The. Fuck. If you support him please wear t-shirts daily that tell me this so I can avoid you and keep my young daughter away from you. Far away. Bunch of whackadoodles.
XOXO,
Single Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
